The Desperation of Mark Napier, Part LoS-'ej--bID (parody)

We have it from a reliable source that yesterday Mark Napier made a desperate call to 911: "I have to be stopped from any more lying to the public. I'm seriously in fear for my professional life. You gotta send 24-hour surveillance teams to make me stop!"

Transparency Project is trying to obtain a recording of the call, but so far no luck.

We can only assume Napier is referring to the discrepancies we've documented in our previous posts, especially The Desperation of Mark Napier, Part Tres and The Desperation of Mark Napier, Part Kvar.

Mark Napier on the Holodeck?

We believe Napier is spending the weekend looking for a legitimate-sounding excuse to avoid the Monday morning CLEPC meeting, where he knows he'll be questioned about the points we've raised. He tried asking Trump for an invitation to the White House, but he only managed to reach the concierge at Mar-a-Lago. Then he tried for a Ducey invite to Phoenix, but the guv isn't returning his calls.

Transparency Project will be live-streaming the CLEPC meeting on our Facebook page. Check there for more details.

(This has been a parody. The last paragraph is real. We now return you to our regular reporting, which is no joke. LoS-'ej--bID is Klingon for four-and-a-half.)